Why Do They Bully

reasons kids bully peersWhy Do They Bully

In a lot of cases it is hard to tell why people bully others. Even though it may be hard to tell why, there is almost always a reason. Most people experience bullying before the age of twenty, in fact 1 in 2 people do. If you are a part of the 1 in 2 people that are being bullied, it may be easier to deal with it when you understand the psychology and the reasons behind bullying. If wish to understand your bully continue reading.

Psychology behind the Bully

People who bully others are looking for a source of power and control in their life. Most of the time the easiest way of doing this is to focus on something, most likely the one thing that is special about you and tear it down. They also try creating a new insecurity with an intent to hurt you either physically or emotionally. After this happens the person being bullied, starts to believe it and that belief destroys the self-esteem that person once had and they become depressed. Soon after this the person will want to know why the bully is do this and then start to blame themselves. As a result of the blame the person begins to cover up the thing that made them special and unique. The person starts by covering up their skin, dying their hair, they even may start dating someone that might change the way they appear to others. This person becomes ashamed of themselves as if there was actually something wrong with them. However they are looking at the situation all wrong it’s not that there is something wrong with them, it’s that there is something wrong with the bully.

Reasons Why They Bully

  • Trauma – Most bullies have experienced a traumatic event in the past 5 years. Some examples of this includes: death of a loved one, parents splitting up, an accident they were involved in, and being overly controlled by a guardian. Everyone reacts to trauma differently, so reacts positively, meaning they are able to mentally deal with it and get through with it, others react negatively, bringing in negative emotions like anger and hate. These feelings are something that they can’t deal with normally so they take it out on others.
  • Being Kept Quiet – Most girls are raised to speak up and told it’s okay to cry, while on the other hand most boys are raised to never cry, told that boys don’t cry, and if they did cry they were told to grow a pair or man up. Most boys that are sexually assaulted are to that they are wimps because a female was able to that to them. All this cause the person to become aggressive towards others, basically showing people that they are manly. This is guys are more likely to physically attack someone then girls.
  • Past Bullying – In some cases the person that is bullying have already been bullied in the past. The bullying that this person went through has affected the way they look at themselves and has also effected their mental state. Like in dealing with trauma, dealing with bullying also effects people differently; some people get through it and then stand up for other, this person is completely against bullying. Other people deal with it by bullying others, letting their negative emotions take over them.
  • Abuse at Home – Abuse is one of the main reasons that people bully. When someone that is supposed to protect you, hurts you mentally or physically it can seriously damage you mental state. This causes the person to act out, hurting others the way that they are being hurt at home. This bullying looks for someone that is a lot like they used to be before the abuse starting, then they use the same words or techniques that their guardian used on them. As the abuse at home gets worse the way they bully outside it gets worse too. 
  • Domestic Violence – Children often look up to their parents, so when this person sees their father beating up their mother or vice versa, even though this scares them, they believe that it is okay to bully others. They inherit the anger of their parent figure, the one they look up to the most and they follow in their footsteps.
  • Security – Those who bully often feel that their relationships and friendships are not secure. They feel like their friends make them do things that they don’t necessarily want to do. They don’t feel very supported or loved. This type of bully needs a lot of attention from others, they need that acceptance to be happy.


There are many bullies out there and many different reasons why they bully. I’m not saying that these are a good excuse for them to do what they do but it is a good way to understand them. Remember that these people need help. Thank you from the Resiliency Alliance

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